you are my sweetest downfall,

i loved you first, i loved you first
beneath the stars came falling on our heads
but they’re just old light, they’re just old light
your hair was long when we first met

samson came to my bed,
told me that my hair was red
told me i was beautiful and came into my bed
oh i cut his hair myself one night
a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
and he told me that i’d done alright
and kissed me til’ the morning light, the morning light
and he kissed me til’ the morning light

samson went back to bed
not much hair upon his head
ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
oh we couldn’t bring the columns down
yeah, we couldn’t destroy a single one
and history books forgot about us
and the bible didn’t mention us, not even once

you were my sweetest downfall,
i loved you first.

regina spektor is love embodied, i swear. the above lyrics come from ’samson’.

her voice is just the right mix of soft and passionate, in all the right places. mixed with the piano in the background and great lyrics, i’ve listened to ’samson’ more than 5 times and i haven’t gotten sick of it yet. and her other songs aren’t bad as well. /edit i found the music video from samson! and since i cant figure out how to embed objects into a wordpress post, go here if you want to see it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WZsJI4dURtc

anyway i’ve got rehearsal with albert my accompanist tonight at 7 and i really doubt that i’m prepared, so i have to go motivate myself to practice, soon.

last night, i went to bed after sam fell asleep (silly boy), but that was before 2 a.m., my usual holiday bedtime, so i lay awake in bed turning and thinking, in the dark. besides discovering that the people living in the group of semi-ds outside my window and condo walls  stay up rather late (or possibly make their maids stay up rather late), i realized that my perception ‘friends’ has really changed a lot since sec 1. in p6, i hardly had any friends besides those people i ate reccess with. when i went home (or to my friend’s house opposite mine), i had no one to talk to besides said friend. this was because for a large part of p6 my mum didn’t even stay at our house. most of the time i was alone, and for this reason, i spent a lot of time over at my friend’s (okay let’s call her baoyi) house.

then, in sec1, i spent almost the entire year trying to insinuate myself into the so-called cool clique of people. it was the stupidest thing i could ever have done, on hindsight, because it probably made me look like a wannabe and totally dependent.  wasted a lot of my reccess spending time with people who probably didnt really like me, and wasted money on manymany neos i eventually threw away in sec2.

sec2 was a blur of divided classmates and scandalous overseas trips (fine, just the one), but in the end 213 was the best class i’ve ever been in so far, simply because we weathered so many events together and ended the year with winning drama night and proving all the teachers who thought we were too divided to accomplish anything as a class wrong wrong wrong. so i finally found my place among the bookworms and i found that the people i tried to be friends with in sec1 were daoing me in corridors just like they daoed my friends. in truth, i found i didn’t much care. and in sec2, i began also to build up friendships outside school. like, people i talked to mostly on msn, and then after that, mostly on comments posted on each other’s blogs; people i didnt see very often, real-life wise. and it’s the same now- i have one group of ’school’ friends and one group of ‘home’ friends. rather stupid, really, that i might be closer to my ‘home’ friends than my school friends.

i don’t know when i suddenly became the happy soul i now am- in sec1 my msn nicknames were alway very emoish (now where did those come from). maybe it was the discovery of my hyperactive and yes, happy, friends in sec2, even though they were weird in manymany ways. and of course, people like jono, who are (quote) “perpetually happy”. and so am i, really. you can hardly find me seriously emoing.

i’ve found friends in the most unlikely places and lost friends i thought i was close to. i havent figured out why the latter happened with some people, especially because it’s like deja vu, really. like there was this one person who was telling me how he’d grown further apart from a good friend, and then a few months later i found that we hardly talked, anymore. i don’t know why we stopped talking, but i do wish we never grew apart. i’m sure it’s a universal feeling- like you’re not good enough for the person, like, he or she made better friends and just forgot about you. but at least i still have friends.

{friend n. a person with whom one is on terms of mutual affection.}

~ by sydney on June 11, 2007.