i headbanged until my nose bled at a pop rock concert

credits to MTV Asia

There You Are

You cup the mike in your hands, making love to it with your lips, getting as close to it as humanly possible, pouring your voice into it for the world to hear. I would commit all sorts of unspeakable crimes just to be that thing.

You hold your hand up for silence. I tell the people around me to shut up and listen to the magic happening, but they won’t listen. I think they can hardly hear themselves, probably. The screams are the teenage hormones incarnate. This might be forgivable in another moment, but not now.

You look beautiful, brown hair curled around your ears, fringe plastered to your forehead by the sweat. Everyone else is on the stage, the guitarist, the drummer, the keyboardist, but it is dark. The spotlight is on you and the keyboardist, but my eyes are on you only.

I am selfish when it comes to you. In that moment, I shut out the world, the crowd, the people around me, and there is only you. Then reality, defiant, sets in again.

The song kicks in with all the instruments. You are apparently satisfied with the previous miniscule amount of silence, but there is definitely no silence now. I am torn between loving this, loving the cymbals and snare and bass and electric guitar and your voice, and loving the simplicity of just your voice alone, pouring like molasses into my ears and drowning my heart.

I sing with you, my voice breaking. The music is beautiful. You are so beautiful. I want to cry, and the person in front of me looks back at me strangely when I sing louder, wanting you to hear me singing your song, your words. You sing surely I’ll be waiting alone in the dark and I sing back and there you are, oh, and there you are, and there you are, and there you are.

There you are. I am as hyperaware of you as I can possibly be. There you are. I am so near, I could almost touch you, if only, if only. There you are. You tap your fingers on the mike, and make your hips do this excruciatingly slow swaying dance with the mike stand. There you are.

There you are. I hear you, I see you. I want you. God, I want you so much, it almost hurts.

There you are. I am right here. Look, here. Your eyes turn in my direction, and my eyes frantically search out yours, but you do not see me. I am lost inside the crowd.

There you are, and here I am, but you do not see me at all.

lost at sea, counting all the waves you make
carry me, back into my other days
there you are, there you are.

surely I’ll be waiting alone in the dark
and there you are, oh, and there you are.

(there you are/the click five)

-

i had a huge white sign and i wanted so bad for kyle to see it but he did not. thanks charm and sam for being there :D it was so amazing.

so long, so long

y halo thar philo argument map

do what you want now, I don’t care how
you can call me crazy, but just call me
‘cause I need to hear your voice on the phone
talk to me through the night but somehow I still feel alone, alone

I’m like a child now, won’t you hear me
Waiting for your call, I’m going crazy
I’m filing my emotions into small little piles
‘cause I don’t know about you, but I’ve got you on speed dial

I remember it was May when I met you
you said my name and I fell in love, it’s true
you confuse me, hypnotise me,
and though we know that our love never lies
will you look me in the eyes and tell me we’re alright?

‘cause I know we’re not, ‘cause I know we’re not,
‘cause I know we’re not alright, alright
are we ever getting past these fights?
are we ever gonna be alright again
were we ever?

(my brain is not doing the things i want and need it to do. this calls for a Special Kung Fu of Everything.)

special kung fu

today heralded masochism (in my opnion) in the form of exercise. yes, exercise, that dastardly thing we all dread and fear, except for those true masochists, who actually enjoy beating their limbs and in general, their body, into submission.

ah the joy of muscle soreness that comes afterwards. which is really very fun, hence the category this post is in.

after skating 15 km at the Paya Lebar runway skate thingy which has the cheesiest slogan ever, i.e. Wheels to Fly oh isn’t the organising committee so brilliantly witty, i come home and decide to go down to lie down at the pool and slowly bake in the sun to stop my skin from slowly becoming white aaaarghhh horror of horrors for a swim because it is still nice and sunny and hot and i’m lazy to get in the shower and prod at this horrible pimple forming in my nostril.

then i change into my swimming costume and nearly sprain a muscle trying to put on sunblock and then it starts raining. bloody stupid bollocks weather.

the sky is a lie, i am no longer going to take pictures of it and have them turn out nice and pretty because i have Special Kung Fu.

in the meantime,

shutterbugs

trainspotting

redeemable for a limited time only while stocks last

the run back home

more here

what gayle does in class

STUDENT (on Little Britain) He stripped all the way down and had sex with the prime minister!

JOSEPH TOH Ah, but you didn’t see his little twinky.

April 16th, 2008
from Quotable Quotes, courtesy of Gayle Tay

dude ur so retarded

worst fanfic ever

To pique your interest here is the last part.

-

“Foolish ignoramuses!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!111” I shouted despariedrly.

“Acco Nevel’s wand!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!!11111”

He maid lighting come all over da place.

“Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!11111” I shooted.

-

It is goth!hp fic. It is awesome shit. I laughed for ages. You will too. READ IT NOW.

bleeding love

Closed off from sleep
I didn’t need the pain
Eight hours was enough
Mugging was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My brain melts into the ground
’cause I had no clue
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I won’t mug with you
They try to drag me in
But they don’t know the truth
My brain’s crippled by the exams
That I keep on failing
My GPA is being pulled down and I’m

Oversleeping,
Keep oversleeping, now
I keep sleeping,
I keep oversleeping now
Keep sleeping
Keep, keep sleeping now

so many of us! so many of us!

We shall by morning
Inherit the earth.
Our foot’s in the door.

(mushrooms/sylvia plath)

the ship was sinking; we were drinking, singing one last song
casting our gold into the ocean
you grabbed a bucket, started screaming “come on, come on”
trying to slow the donward motion

back in the kingdom we were kings and queens and oh so strong
that God himself could not contain us
we never thought we’d be the shorter end of sword and gun
now God himself could not have saved us

waves of silver, waves of gold
are coming down to take me
and separate my body from my soul
and Jesus either leaves or takes me
hopes of heaven, fears of hell
and what’s the chance i’ll make it?
when all my other plans have failed
and i’ve tried so hard to fake it

(one last song/josiah leming)

his posture and movement is slightly very disturbing but the tune is addictive.

i am subconsciously worried about many things, which in turn worries me. i think i’m more worried about not being worried than the actual worrisome things themselves. which is, consequently, worrying in itself.

i have no priorities.

thank you to all the people who gave me about a total of 15-20 missed calls this morning, and baoyi’s “you do know the english exam is first block don’t you” at 6.30 am. also thanks to the taxi driver who indeed drove very fast, like i’d requested him to.

i don’t mind paying for the $15 ride myself, but the thing i’m rather annoyed at is the fact that this morning, waking my stepdad up to ask if he would consider sending me wasn’t even an option.

and also, when my mom came home last night, she swore at me four times within the first hour, and when i got lazy and didn’t want to tell the whole story to sam(antha) via sms she insisted on seeing it and on reading “maybe seeing me inevitably pisses her off” she started ranting about how selfish i am that i refused to tell my friends the whole story and thus cast her in a bad light.

and also how this morning when i was extremely and dangerously late, she seemed more concerned about scolding me about how i have time to “always go out with sam and mich and eat dinner at carl’s and spend so much money” and yet we “don’t talk about the english exam” and how i never buy dinner back (disregarding the fact that they don’t even like carl’s jr or any other fast food for that matter) even when i go out with my friends.

not that i was relying on it but she didn’t even give any solutions to the possible and very probably problem that i would be late for my exam. and also, even though i had reminded her a milllion times, when i woke up and yelled that i was going to be late, she had just started ironing my pinafore, which had just been taken out of the washing machine. consequently i spent the bus+taxi ride to school with a damp blouse and damp pinafore. damp as in leave-buttprint damp.

i mean, i don’t even feel anything when i get scolded or ranted at anymore. it’s just a sort of detachment.

instead of loving my family, i pour whatever love i have left into my dreams and my poems and my thoughts and very rarely, my friends.

when i last saw my dad he gave me a hug and it was the first time in many years that i’ve cried because he was going away. i thought i’d gotten used to it ages ago but recently i’ve grown exponentially closer to him. so how come i still feel so far away?

it’s not like i feel that there’s nothing intrisically wrong with the fact that i hardly ever ask my mom for anything except to settle our finances/launder my uniforms or clothes in general or sometimes food, but what else is there? she doesn’t give me a chance, and i no longer feel like i should go out of my way to give her one.

the laundry is now probably around a head or so taller than i am. i am afraid putting a single extra item will result in an avalance. it is screaming for attention and everyone except the person who is supposed to be doing it, hears.

life really sucks sometimes.

MR AZAHAR HAS A CUTE BUTT

mr ong walked out on pe class yesterday because we were talking, and even though i skipped school today and only went for cca because i woke up late, sam says he was holding out on us, and didn’t even talk to us during pe while we played soccer.

i am grasping at straws trying to think of what to do.

i went after him on monday because no one else seemed to want to do it, and he told me to shoo the rest of 412 away and he said “do i look pissed? i’m smiling at you aren’t i” but obviously he was pissed. and he had a right to be.

instead of saying what i wanted to say i.e. “but mr ong, will you come back tomorrow?” i said “if we behave ourselves will you forgive us?” because it would have been too loveresque.

he said he would see and according to sam we were unusually wellbehaved but he isn’t going to make it easy.

haikus for mr ong

so many of us!
and we run through the silence,
only to reach you.

to elysian fields,
we remain silent in shame,
so near yet so far.